Suicide.

I allways thought that people who commit suicide
are escaping their life

Then i realized that we all commit suicide some times
with what we do how we act how we are ourselfs

The question I present
the question that is muttered

would be who is suicidal the one with the
kinfe in his hand
or the one with the words that continue
to kill those who cut..

Cut God from their own mind with their own decision
Cut popularity into their selfs with their own persistants
Cut things that are hateful into their own being!!


We all are suicidal except in different ways

I commit suicide everyday by giving up myself
or at least I try to remember it

For suicide is what Christ ultimately committed
on the cross the morbid thought of a cross
that now has become so much different
in our deprived undermined society
that we claim to be great..

I ask you reader when is the last time your
actions affected someone who committed suicide
of them self?

WHEN is the last time it happened to you?

Highschool.

I continue to try to get
what i need not

I continue to go threw
things that become not

I continue to think
I continue to pray
I continue to try to be me

I gave up my loneliness
I gave up my identity

For you
For myself
For the betterment of those around me

I continue to be socially deprived
I continue to not be in this odd loop

I can live with out a girlfriend
I can live with out things that hinder me

Why then do I think I need both?
Why then is there none that feel the same?

How do thoughts only become mine
and yet no one else's around me

NONE are here to support me besides those who
I know...

NONE is the loneliest thing to be
this society of mine makes me feel
like None other than everyone else

This society of mine deprives my mind
of what I need of what I crave
It fills me up with things undeniably
not for me

I do what I naught wish to do
I don't do what I should do

I wish I know I think I pray
for her

A wife is in the future
or so I think

Yet the longing is there
the thought is there

The action is deep
the romance is present

Unused
Untouched
by the real

Destroyed
Decomposed
by the unreal

These are me
I am the unused
I am the untouched
by the real girl

I am the destroyed
I am the decomposed
By the figment of a being.

Tampering with these things myself
has taught me not to
yet now I wish to tamper with
those who are real
instead of those who are
not present.

Thoughts of the one to come...

Leave behind your self take up the cross
Crucify your self become someone else!

Leave behind yourself take up the life
Be who you aught to be and not who you are!

Lave behind your self take up the challenge
to live who God makes you out to be!

Leave behind your self take up the joy
that is before your eyes always!

Leave behind your self take up the cross
crucify yourself allow God in.. that is someone else.

Be ready be strong be courageous
for very uncanny things to take place
for things that you are to venture forth into

God is ready for you to be strong
for you to do the insane
things that are done by those he loves

God is ready for you
give up and be with him.

Bible

Sing the bible
allow it's message to be repeated
in your singular mind
memorize memorize
have joy
trust in it's words
do not doubt it

It is the truth
it is life
It is everything you need

when you are alone
when you are forsaken by those
who you thought were your friends

The bible is everything you need

It is from God's own thoughts
It is from him

If you hear a voice in your head
read your bible and tell me if it's true

If it just talks about you
test it don't trust till you know

your maker's voice
all testing then trusting.

Super super !

Super fabulous people all around me with things to say
things to do Super fabulous people all around me with things to pray
Might they be those who I love
Might they be those who are to be saved
Love life liberty !

Liberty if faulty
Love is always
Life is like beauty always fleeting!

Love is always
LOVE IS ALWAYS!


Trust in love and you can't go wrong.

Confusing perilous perpetual motion
Confusing pumpkins pretending motion
Confusing melancholy making up action
Confusing truth taking me by surprise!
From this Melancholy from these perilous pumpkin patches of life!!!


God is there even when I think he isn't
I believe in God even when I don't feel him!!!(from Barlow Girl)

Maybe just maybe
there is a gentelman to be
With in me

Be truthful to me
Be helpful to me
love me
hope for me
to return

Speak to me daily
Love me allways
Be with me in your dreams

in your thoughts
in your actions
in your words

You think you know everything
but you don't I do
I know all so listen to me!
I don't cry out i whisper for you to come to me
so come with your hands open
I want you as mine
I want you as mine
Come to me!!

I will forgive you
I am God..

He is God!

Believe love hold
those you love
believe in those you hold

The circle of love starts with God
who holds your heart in his hands
who believes in you
who loves you!

It is hard to love from that love
it is hard to accept his love
it is hard because of distraction

Take my advice throw it out
distraction
Take my advice throw it out
selfishness
Take my advice love it out
loud!

Time time time! I have no time
frustration creeps in my thoughts go out
I do what I naught want to
and don't do what I wish to
Time time time! I have no time
anger overwhelms my thoughts go out
I scream to the clouds they don't answer
they don't speak
Time time time! I have no time
thoughts overwhelm me my emotions go out
I scream I cry I pray I do everything
they don't speak back
Time time time! I have no time
because time is not mine.

My days go on
my time lingers on
my life goes on
my days go on

Life itself is worth living
Death itself is worth accepting

God in his holy seat up above
he came to forgive he came to forget

My days go on
my time linger son
my life goes on
my days go on

To live life worth living
to take death itself that is worht accepting..

Oh God almighty
my Lord
I give it all for you
I give it to you
My Lord
I will Go hear my battle cry
Give me truth so that I can speak

I will go hear my battle cry
Give me bread so that I can break it..

Oh God almighty
my Lord
I give it all for you
I give it to you
My Lord
I will Go hear my battle cry
Give me truth so that I can speak

I will Go hear my battle cry
Give me song so that I can sing!!

God almighty I come now to you
God almighty I am here now for you
God almighty come to me here come to me now
Lift me up!!!

You are all ways with me you are all ways there!!

I love you God.

I am a unclean man
I live for my unclean self
My guilt is taken away
my sin atoned for
WHO SHALL I SEND WHO SHALL GO FOR US!!!!!!!


Here I am send me send me!

I am unclean i am untruthful full of lies

My guilt is taken away my sin atoned for!

Then God said," Who shall I send who shall go for us?"

Here I am send me send me!

Earth and back again.

I fell sometimes like walking a mile
then going two
all by myself with no one else
Then I think why do that when there is no one else?

Lonely so lonely
I feel
When I don't believe in
the things that I know to be true

Lonely so lonely
I feel
when I do things that I knew
could have been prevented that i know aren't true

Love is in the air as one used to say
Love breaks loneliness
Lonely so Lonely....

God?

I pray are you there?
Where?
Who?
What?
When?
I pray are you there?
Where?Here
Who?You
What?You
When?Now?
I pray are you there?
Where? Here your home
Who? You are my problem
What? You are not listening
When? Now is not the time
I pray are you there?
Yes I am here for you , but your not listening to me which makes you
my enemy. Now is not the time for you to wait but to take action
to take flight! Start listening and you might get my response
Start listening.

Dreamily.

My dreams reflect what I think
What I don't say
What I do say in a different way
My dreams Consume what I do
How I become
Who I am
My dreams Become me
In reality
In truth
I am my dreams
I am a walking dream
Capturing memory's
Storing them away
to be dreamed about another day.

2 Thoughts 1 mind.

What does he think of me?
What are his actions toward me?
Does he like me?

Look at that girl I wonder if she knows I am secretly straight inside?
I wonder if she knows I am pretending to be gay?

Says the guy who is pretending to be what society is becoming , and doesn't adhear to what the bible is telling!!

If this was the true case the statements would be flipped this guy wouldn't be pretending to be gay he would be pretending to be straight!!! In the society that I was talking about it was easily acceptable to be gay everyone in it is. This is just the beginning of my book I thought I would share it with you. I know you probably are going to be like wow you have a twisted mind but just think what it might do for people who are thinking about becoming gay since it is a choice and all? I just pray they read the whole book and not the first page other wise they might be flaming on the first few words!

Bland.

I am walking down
The street
What a day
To be
Bland...

Originaly Bad poem by Stephen Sapaugh.

A girls story.

"I like know everyone OMG!"(I wonder if they know I hurt inside because I affect none?)"My friends are the best!(I wonder if they know I have no more party's to throw and no more car to drive?)" My friends have abandoned me" says the prom queen a day after her prom with a knife in her hand." What now? she slowly brings the knife close to her wrist and thinks," I have nothing" A small voice responds,"me". She brings it to her wrist and makes a small incision."who?""me" "Who are you?" "come find out"
she then falls down and begins her search.

My reaction.

"I think by myself
I am worth every penny."
says the one
says the plenty

"I am worth nothing
I am not able to think on my own"
says the one separated
says the Christian

"I am happy with just me"
says the plenty

"I am happy with Christ"
says the Christian

Selfish?

"Selfishness is not a thought or a action it is a lifestyle. Its effects however are thoughts put into actions." Stephen Sapaugh 2008 jan.01

Our fight.

My thoughts are preparing for a battle in the making.
My actions are receding into oblivion
for a cause in the universe
My words are reacting to a action
worth taking.
My thoughts are becoming actions
my preparations complete.
my battle is being fought
with every word
with every though
with every action
worth the taking.

Mend

I broke my own heart
and you restored it.
You mended my two pieces into one.
After words a star was revealed...
I hope it is the right one.

why?

I continue to think why why why
I want to just say you are right!
I wish I could .. should i liz bit?